The Beatitudes

2.20.2007

The Beatitudes

Blessed are the crazy
The hallucinators
Reaching out to touch the invisible
To you.

Do you
question
your eyes for seeing
your ears for hearing
Your consciousness
Unsure of whether you are
alive or dead or dreaming

He pressed his body against mine and I could barely muster a no.
Unheard
Heavy breathing mixed with husky laughter and
Small breasts

Blessed are the imbalanced
Speaking to themselves
Wild laughter
At jokes

You don’t hear
Me
Weeping
I dream a knife to his throat
Keep it in my closet hoping that
next time.

He doesn’t always touch me
He doesn’t have to
Father, cunt
Tight clothes for his baby whore

Blessed are the institutionalized
Adults made children in soft rooms
The animalized
Corralled
into a room of blunt objects
Cold mashed potatoes and canned peaches.
Smelling of dried urine

No dignity
They won’t let me
shut the door
Thick panes of glass
separate
Them
from
Us
Them scared of Us
We approach
They brace themselves for mutiny
Trying not to tremble
Not to spit at Us
Or laugh

He chased me around the table
My cat scattered and chairs screeched as he
Banged up the stairs
I hid he
Kicked down the door
Roared “Get your fucking ass out here.”
Don’t breathe. I told myself.
Please stop breathing.

Blessed are the humiliated.
Comatose.
The Overmedicated.
Beggars
We shuffle in bedroom slippers
Bleary eyed
To the prophylactic glass
To receive tonight’s ration.

There is nothing left.
I have one pair of clothes reeking of hospital
There is nothing left
No dental floss, no shoe laces, no cough syrup, no soap, no pens or pencils, no locks on doors
There is nothing left
No mother, no father, no sister, no brother
No one, no thing

I do not want your blessings,
Streets paved with gold,
I only want you to
see me.
To touch the
throbbing pulse of my sadness.
To stay as I thrash, cursing you
And myself,
Until I
Burn up
Collapse
Disintegrate
And am reborn.

--Adelaide