Funny Things Maya Angelou Said:

2.21.2007

I went Tuesday night to "An Evening with Maya Angelou." Although my ticket was a steal, I was pretty far from the stage. Really. You couldn't get any farther. Behind me was a wall and above me was a ceiling. Its quite possible that there were people outside the theater who were closer to the stage than I was.

I expected her to say things like: “There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.” And while there elements of loftiness and inspiration; I was most struck by her humor.

Here are the ones I can remember (loosely, mind you)

“I’m getting pretty famous and I look just like Maya Angelou.”

“I’ve had to stop flying. People, nice, mannerly people, who if they saw me at a dinner party would be gracious and come over and say, ‘Oh, Dr. Angelou I enjoy your work.’ These same people go crazy in an airport. They start poking me and grabbing me. They start handing me their babies. I was in line for security one day and suddenly the entire security team came over and said, ‘Dr. Angelou, Dr. Angelou. Sign my arm.’ Now these were black people too. As we were taking off, the pilot came back to speak to me. I said, ‘Who’s flying the plane! Get back up there.”

To deal with the stress of flying, she rented a van—from Prince. It was lilac.

“Edna Saint Vincent Millay—ok, so she wasn’t black.”

“Be careful when a naked person offers you a shirt (proverb of some sort).”

She rapped “The Raven.”

The three atheist black people—“Lord, I don’t know how they do it.”

“The way you hear it in the media, you’d think there’s no love in the black community. The way certain comedians talk about it…” (Bill Cosby must not be too comfortable right now.)

While she did read the poem she wrote for the UN, she also read “The Health Food Diner.” I am pretty sure would never have been published if it hadn’t been written by Maya Angelou, but its funny nonetheless.

The Health-Food Diner

No sprouted wheat and soya shoots

And Brussels in a cake,

Carrot straw and spinach raw,

(Today, I need a steak).

Not thick brown rice and rice pilaw

Or mushrooms creamed on toast,

Turnips mashed and parsnips hashed,

(I'm dreaming of a roast).

Health-food folks around the world

Are thinned by anxious zeal,

They look for help in seafood kelp

(I count on breaded veal).

No smoking signs, raw mustard greens,

Zucchini by the ton,

Uncooked kale and bodies frail

Are sure to make me run

to

Loins of pork and chicken thighs

And standing rib, so prime,

Pork chops brown and fresh ground round

(I crave them all the time).

Irish stews and boiled corned beef

and hot dogs by the scores,

or any place that saves a space

For smoking carnivores.

Of course she’s a tour de force, but you know that already. She’s also a hilarious, open, inspiring woman who doesn’t take herself too seriously.